Seniorita @ Misteryosa.com

I am tired and sleepy and wasted. Enough said. I want sufficient time of sleep and rest. Hayst. Hopefully this sem would end sooooo soooooonnnn!!

Whew. That was very tiring though. I have been to Danielle aka Dang’s house for a night just to finish our 115 project. Fuck. I was tired the whole night and I wasn’t functioning properly. Sorry Dang; but I love your food. You have been very generous to me amd you fed me for two days. Huwaw! Nabusog ako ah.

And so MK’s gonna be back home. I’m sure I’m gonna miss him so much. As much as I want him to stay here, I can’t do anything about it. He belongs to where he truly belongs. I know he’s got life of his own and I ain’t in in control no matter what. I just hope that the short time we’ve been together would be memorable for him. That, he too won’t forget me. Nah, I’m doing my project here at my classmate’s house but I do remember him, thus can’t avoid to be sad afterall. It’s just not the right time perhaps to be together yet, not the right time. Yes, I do want to convince myself that this happens for such reason. Don’t bring a fight with me over that one. I won’t listen anyway, -_- 

I’ll miss you MK. I wanna hug you tight.

I want to but have no time to blog. So very short notice: I am now a member (reserve) of Kontra-Gapi. Good to me! Weehh. I have to congratulate myself. Yay!

[and this was edited last Oct 5, 2008]

photos courtesy of my friends. Thank you!

striking a pose isn't bad. why not do it?

my co-apps. im so proud of you guys!

another candid shot

fred and jopay having their speech

and comes Godofredo, our batch head

our logo for the batch! Go Luwasa Duwarawa

thanks for that lovely reminders guys!~ Smile and Sit up Straight. Go KG!

Blurred Ate Laya (our trainer)

Balitaw Boys: Odie and Ariel

see me? see me? nakatalikod ako sa cam...

there!! Half-exposed face of mine. whew!

Balitaw girls... Malandi. wahaha

and lastly, our name.. Luwasa Duwarawa..

End of update. Hope you enjoyed looking at the pics. nyahaha

And today is the day. Whew! Recital keeps everyone nervous and busy. Yey! Few hours from now I will be performing what I learned in months of training in Kontra-Gapi. I am so excited! Hopefully everything will run smoothly later and hopefully I won’t forget any piece so that I won’t look blank in front. Yay. The steps… The dance… Sometimes I forget what comes after one step. Noooo! That can’t be. God.

Just wanna share with you guys what happened last Saturday. That day was yet an ordinary day for me until I decided to text my ex boyfriend to see me in Gateway Cubao. I found no malice in asking him to see me since I guess this would be the last time that he would go back here in Manila. What we did was not really a sort of  bf-gf thingy. He was not so sweet to me, it was as if we were going along together only as friends. Imagine us walking side by side not either holding hands or not even dared to brush our shoulders. Despite that, I understand why he acted such. I know it was quite awkward to be with your ex days after you broke up with him or her and see him as if nothing happened, as if no break-up happened. Yeah, the was how I think I could describe the scenario between us that Saturday night.

I admit I really was happy when I saw him that night. I don’t know how I was supposed to react. He laughed at me coz he saw me just looking at him and smiling as if he read my mind that yeah, I was dazzled by everything that was happening. He said, “parang nung isang araw lang u’r saying goodbye tapos ngayon, kasama mo ako”… Wahahaha! Oo nga naman. He has a point. Never had I thought that he would appear in front of me again, just like how apparations shock you at most.

So, we talked about everything, life, his stories, his plans, everything; but not once that we tackled about our relationship. I know it’s quite clear to him that we are no longer a part of each other. He was so aware of it. We just ate together, I had coffee at Gloria Jean’s and after that we went home. A plain shit of killing time as   how I describe it. I thought something would happen that night, perhaps, he would ask me to go back to him again or in my most fanciful dream, he would finally kiss me that night. But hey, none of those came into picture for real.

Should you be sad for me, I guess not, coz I myself was happy even just for the fact that I was able to see him and be with him [even for the last time]. He too frankly said that he might not be able to go back here in Manila again for some reasons which I wanna think is acceptable. Well, he’s got life of his own. I could not force him to stay here when in the first place he has no one to live here with. I was just happy with the idea that he somehow thought to drop by here and get a glimpse of me and finally get a chance to talk to me. I was contented with that. Such a shallow person I am, eh? )

What I undergo right now is the process of accepting that perhaps we are not meant to be with each other; that it would be better just to be where we are- special friends. I think that is the safest place where we can settle ourselves for it minimizes hurt and expectations for us both. Just a sort of realization from me. I don’t know if you find this senseful.

There, just wanna share to you guys one lame story I had one Saturday evening.

Yay! Nakabuo na rin ako ng isang sayaw. wahehehe At malapit na talaga ang recital namin. I’m excited yet nervous. Pupunta ang mga alumni ng Kontra-Gapi at darating ang anak ni Sonny Belmonte upang maging aming panauhin sa araw na iyon. Yay! Pressure itich… Marami pa akong dapat asikasuhin. Marami pa akong dapat tapusin… Bahala na si God. Bahala na kung anong mangyari. Pero siyempre, dapat laging handa. Dapat may plano…Tatapusin ko muna ang FFR (Final Function Report) namin bago ang lahat. Puyatan  to the max na naman ito. Walang tulugan ng ilang araw.. waaaahh!!

Ay, ayoko na. Nabura lang ang pinost ko. Ampf! Lintik na,kaasar talaga.

Ok, my second post would be quite different from what I previously ranted. I am quite happy to announce that our recital is near. I am not that excited though,but I am happy for the fact that application process is also coming to an end. I’ll be dancing ‘balitaw’, an ethnic dance from Visayas. But early this evening I practiced ‘bata’, another dance which mimics children and it has simple but heinous steps since they take high stamina and enthusiasm whenever you perform it. Uber fun, that’s what I can say. I enjoyed practicing it though I won’t be dancing it in the recital. Just wanna give it a try.

For more info on what organization I am applying to, visit this site. Haggard is thy life! But I know I can juggle up things. I believe in what I can do. That’s the spirit man. Whew!

I know,now is the time to move on and accept what had happened in the past. But the weird thing is, I’m just being hunted by them. I do feel sad whenever memories of those cross my mind again and again. I guess I have not moved on officially. What happens is that I mask every unbearable things in my life with another mischevious thing and it so sad to realize that they repeatedly happen as if I’m bound to deal with them. In the end, they pile up and cause more damage.  I guess it proves the cliche my friend once told about one thing that concerns me… that I’m hopeless romantic. I do not know why on earth every relationship that I should have had suddenly wilts in a no justified reason. They all left me hanging, wondering what does not go well with what.  

I do not wanna be sad with unfortunate things that has been falling off my feet. It is just that I feel that I too should have stability and I assurance of what others really feel about me. I am so tired to have doubts. I know you think that there is an easy solution to my ever-so-shallow problem [Don't think too hard and take it easy instead].  How I wish I am the one who is good with it but actually I tend to be the opposite.  I become frustrated whenever I feel someone’s just fooling around with me, that he does not really love me and that he just wants my company rather having me as someone special in his life. I am tired to think of those. *sheeshh* Yes I am, but I can not really help it when such instances bombard me, as if it becomes an idea that I can not really get rid of. It is more of my heart that is being tortured so to say, not my mind really.

Now, it is hard for me to accept that the things I once treasured had been all left to trash. I do not know if  I would be able to pick them up again and make something more ’meaningful’ stuff out of it. I certainly do not have any idea what would be next for me. I just want to be happy and be whole. I just want to be assured and secured. And lastly, I would not make any move again that a bigger chance of it would certainly break  my heart.

Time to patch up pieces of tears and promise to be more careful of it.

Note: I officially ended my relationship with him last 15th of September 2008.