Too many things rush through my head. School, life, him, my family. They kinda mix up. I often imagine of things that I would be having in the future. am I going to have my own house? car? or will I be able to shop for my fave dresses? cool make-ups and upscale perfumes?  Most of them pertains to my ambitious goal of becoming rich, when I can finally buy the things I want.

But what really pushes me to think that way is my dad. Well, financially speaking we aren’t very well stable. Everyone would agree to me that life gets worse every year. My dad is a licensed engineer but doesn’t have a job ever since we closed our small scale restaurant business last December. He was not able to acquire a job related to his degree. Uhm, too many things changed that day. My once slightly-luxurious life slowed down. I used to eat in fancy restaurants that I want. I was able to buy shirts by my own money coz I got extra allowance before. Getting along with my rich friends before is not a problem for me. Well, that was my poignant past.

And I do try to cope with what I am having right now. Adapting isn’t really a big deal for me. I am very much flexible (as far as I know) but what I can’t take is my father’s rantings, regrets, what if’s , false hopes and many more. I do feel him and I am sorry for him but I can’t consume the fact that he is finally losing hope.  He’s being pessimist.

It might be easy for me to say we can be well-off few years from now or better wait dad, we’ll bring back our business again since I am still young and has lots of potentials. To say at least, I am still far from what my parents have reached in their life but I am more than eager to prove to my dad it’s not yet the end. We’ll get there, as I am always saying to myself.

By solely thinking of future, I just can feel my whole body shaking. Oh yes I am firm and strong-willed young woman as of this moment but what if things won’t go on well (my alterego says). I am afraid to fail my dad and  I can’t afford it, not by any chance. But even though afraid, threatened or feeling vulnerable- I only know one thing, I’ll go on. I must.

You know, never have thought I could dream as big as I do right now. What I wanted as a kid was to be cashier. I was happy back then to be able to operate the cash register, to ask for money, give change to my customers. That WAS it! My dream could be as simple as that. But I realized as I look for my real happiness in life, I wanted to get more complicated things and sooner it involved not just myself but also my loved ones. THEY are also ME. That is how I love my family.

Before I marry I promise to myself that I’ll buy dad a house and lot. Maybe, a car too. And lots of fighting cocks. Haha. Sabungero kasi eh. LOL. Plus, I will travel (definitely) around the world!!!!!! Who can stop me now?

Wow! It’s raining outside. Actually it stopped for awhile but I do hope it’s not gonna end until tomorrow. It’s not really a heavy rain but more of drizzles and I love it since the temperature lowered down a bit. I really can’t withstand the heat during noon. It’s a pain in the head. That’s why I prefer not to go out of the house, instead I sleep and won’t care what really happens outside. >_<

Do you love rainy days too?

My nails are chipping off. They already have slits. The first one is on my right thumb and the next is on my right ring finger. What should I do? I know, they’re weak nails but is it a sign that I lack vitamins/minerals on my body? You think it’s vitD, calcium or what? Why does it happen? *curious*

I have a huge zit on my forehead. It’s totally huge. My dad said it has the size of a P5 coin. LOL. Exag! But I tried to dump it with garlic bits. HHmmm, I used the fresh ones. I read it has the anti-bacterial ability and so I tried if it will work. For an oily face like mine, hmp, hopefully it does coz I am tired of looking for facial products that will actually work for me. I often sleep very late at night or rather very early in the morning, usually 1 AM. No wonder pimps/acnes will pop out anytime they want. [like mushrooms]… I really hate it.

Wentworth Miller is drop dead gorgeous. Don’t you agree, girls?
I think I should watch Prison Break now. It just so happened that I got a glimpse of one episode in Crime Suspense Channel and I was expectedly mesmerized by his stunning cute eyes. Lovely!

I feel empty when I can’t share my thoughts even just for a day. But neither do I feel to scribe everything that has been bothering me for today. I feel lazy but tired.  :[

Coz of that, I finished another book of Sidney Sheldon [Rage of Angels]. It was my first time to read his book and it made me want to read more of his works the next time. It was tragic but it made feel like I was watching  an action film while reading it. The actions became vivid to me by his non-dragging narrative style. It was fast-paced. I was surprised by the ending on how he wrote the solutions for every character’s dilemma. Nevertheless the story made a big impact for me.

I got lessons from the book that I thought I could apply in my own life too.  One of which is, never take for granted the things around you. You never know when or how would they be taken away from you. And, the things that we would regret actually are not those that we have done and turned out to be one of our mistakes, but rather, they are the ones that we did not do instead of giving ourselves the feeling of freedom– that at least we chose to do what can make us happy. You know, sometimes we make decisions out of implusive thoughts. But I realized that every step that we take is precious and could not be undone. What is more important is that we can handle those decisions and have considered their possible outcomes.

This is just a shallow reflection mine but I tell you, it is worth reading it.

Word of the day:

surrogate

–verb (used with object)

• to put into the place of another as a successor, substitute, or deputy; substitute for another.

• to subrogate.

Ballet friends, I miss you…

Ako nga pala yan, nakatalikod lang. Hahaha

More photos at: Ballet Recital

———————-

I want to share with you my favorite video of Polina Seminova.

She’s a great dancer.

I forgot to say that I have finally registered my name on the first-time voters list. I am proud of it. At least I have taken my first step to change. But I’ll be more proud of myself if I make wise decision this upcoming 2010 election.

To all first-time voters, exercise your rights. Go to the nearest COMELEC office near you.

Bring 1 valid ID with your present address stated on it.
You will be given 3 forms to fill out and your picture will be taken for the record.

And, you are done! Easy huh?

For more info regarding the continuing registration, go to:
http://www.comelec.gov.ph/contreg/2010%20elections/procedures.html

God. This is not so cool. Who the hell invented the word boredom? Woooh! It is overly used- for me.

Guys, I finally have my own online shop. First time business woman ako… Ayun, kindly check it out!!

http://identitees.multiply.com

More shirts on our virtual catalogue. Feel free to shop. ;D

And so summer classes officially ended last May 19. No more ballet, no more french class. I’m gonna miss that! huhuhuhu. My professors finally posted my grades. I got 1.75 in French and 1.25 in ballet class. Uhm, not bad. Our photos (last recital) aren’t yet on the net. I dunno when they would be posted. I’ll keep you updated, don’t you worry. I am excited to see them.

I am so desperate anyway, to have my own money. My own, I mean I’ll have moolahs to get from my pockets anytime I want. I don’t want to wait for my parents to give me bucks anymore. And it’s just so unfortunate to feel that I am so poor during vacation (coz I have no baon). I keep on thinking what I can/should do. New business? What? LOL. Hopefully I could get over my financial issues before the new sem starts. It’s so frustrating. Life gets worse here. But I ain’t losing hope.

Speaking of which, I went to Quiapo church this morning with my cousin. The homily’s just so exact for me. Failures aren’t benchmarks for you to think that life finally ends. I live up to what the priest said, minsan kailangan mong masaktan para mamunga. Hahahah! That made me muse about my problems right now. That made me almost laugh at myself. Bakit ko nga ba dapat pabigatin ang mga bagay-bagay kung alam kong hindi naman ako nag-iisa. God is here to help me. The whole homily anyhow tells everyone to be firm amidst the storm and PROVE TO EVERYONE  that you are no lame, that you can reach the success you once dreamed of.  Have faith but work on it.

—–

Hep! Hep! I don’t end here yet. I found Lea Salonga’s audition clip for Miss Saigon. She looks so young in this video. I can’t help myself but to adore her. She’s such a great pride for every Filipino.  Imagine how long the casting team looked for the ‘prefect Kim’ that would play the role. They could just find it here (in the Phiippines). Great, isn’t she?

And for being a music addict myself, I stumbled upon this one. [mp3 source for the Sun and Moon song]

.. coz my fucking head aches since this afternoon. I am not feeling well. I like to blog and tell you what happened in the past few days. Woh! summer class is finally over. It is a bittersweet experience though. I will tell you everything some other time; just not now.

Hold me close and hold me fast
The magic spell you cast
This is la vie en rose

…. says my head. Weehh. I can’t get over with it just yet.  That movie is awesome.  “Les jeux des enfants” or Love me If You Dare in english. Not really the correct translation though.

I enjoyed watching it. Notre professeur en française laisse-nous regarder le film. I am trying to construct simple sentences now in french.  Yay.  XD NO doubt, it became my favorite movie just so sudden. It’s very playful. It’s ‘heavy’ in a sense but they made it ‘light’ in a way that many would appreciate it. It makes you think, at the same time,  it tries to play with your emotions. So great! That’s all I can say.

To trigger more my interest with the movie, I downloaded mp3’s and lyrics of the OST (la vie en rose) and I looked for its trailer which I really want to share with you guys.

I suggest that you should watch it, specially for those who want to fall in love. Yeah. It’s a romantic movie but with many twists on it. If you’re looking for thrills in you life, it surely will inspire you. Many might agree on this (those who watched it already). For that, I give it 5  étoiles (stars). *clap*

And.. for another thing, I found a musicbox version of the la vie en rose.